So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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