I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
we're chasing vodka with high fives
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
And then my night got REAL pukey
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
