Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
