At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
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