hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
