Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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