I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
