Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Soap is not a condiment
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
