I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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