the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
