just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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