And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
