so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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