just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
