Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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