woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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