Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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