We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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