I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
