What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
