you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Too much gin, very little bucket
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
