So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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