Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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