Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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