God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
