Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
