she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
