The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
