if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
