youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
