I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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