shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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