Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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