I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
