i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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