M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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