I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
