Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
