Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
