Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Randomize
