I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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