the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
