if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
