do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
