you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
