I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
