As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
