Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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