Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
