God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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