I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
